"Hello, Complaint Department?"

A recent errand run around the Megatropolis that I live in yielded me a bevy of observations of people and things that just plain tick me off.

First off, I was so unaware that we had such a collection of V.I.P.'s* near here. *Various Idiots & Peon's

I constantly see their limo's* parked at or near store entrances in plaza's with acre's of parking! *minivans and dusty 80's Oldsmobiles It makes me think that they are all Getaway Driver's! And it doesn't seem to matter the value of the store either! Grandpa's Buick in front of Price Choppers or, get this, a Hummer (H2, of course) blocking 3 cars at Starbucks. (for a reeeaaly bad, overpriced coffee. More on that in another column)

Don't get me started on Handicapped, or to be P.C., Accessible Parking.

OK, I'm started.

Those spots are for people with mobility problems, dammit!
Not for you 'cuz you're only gonna be a minute, not for you because you have the impaired person in the car and you're gonna run in for them, but for the actual people.

There's a guy at work that deals with this beautifully. He stands about 6 foot, runs about 220 lbs and has a lot of tattoo's. Looks like a Biker because he is. His wife is wheelchair bound. He goes up to people who park in these spots without entitlement and politely suggests they move. Should they resist, he suggests more strongly. He's been known to block offending vehicles while he and his wife go enjoy a leisurely dinner.

When did a red light become the signal for 2 or three more cars to proceed? Or trucks to just ignore?

A light near my office has transports running it on the way to the highway, sometimes they even sound the horn to clear the way! I was nearly squashed last week waiting to turn left, the transport approaching wasn't stopping for the red, and the transport behind me laid on his horn! I had to gun it and go up to the next light to turn! Seriously. I have developed the habit of waiting a few seconds after the green to see if anyone is racing through.

Bathrooms.

What is up with the little squares they pass as toilet paper? I'm removing fecal matter, not covering shaving cuts! With all the focus on hand hygiene, why not install foot pedals on the toilets? Your automatic-motion-detector tap is lovely, but how 'bout some hot water? Same for the hand dryer. Heat would be nice. The picto-gram instructions always leave out the last step... wipe your hands on your pants. The only units of these that I've seen actually work, are at a bar called Filthy Mc Nasty's. Those dryers are powered by Rolls Royce jet engines, I swear!

There, I feel better now.

DJW

DJ did not leave his SUV double parked in a handicapped spot while writing this.