Living With It

Twenty-five years ago I was immortal.

Most possessor's of a Y chromosome in their 20's are.

I worked all day, slugging in a factory, and in my spare time, I served evenings and weekends in the Artillery Reserves, slugging 50 lb bullets. I also played around for a time with cars, twisting myself into contorted shapes to get at nuts and bolts. I once changed a clutch single-handedly by resting the transmission on my chest and balancing the tailstock on my knees.

I worked till I was beyond sore. Got up the next day and did it again.

Then one day it happened.

The pain in my back didn't go away.

"Over did it," I says to myself. the pain lasted days, then weeks. People noticed I was limping.

"Go see a Doctor,"they told me.

"Nah, it will sort itself out." After all, I'm a healthy guy in my 20's.

Finally I relented and saw the Doctor. X-rays, exams and much poking, prodding and twisting was performed. The diagnosis took almost two pages. The synopsis was that my back was screwed.

"...a small deficit in L-5 & 6. The Patient shows all the symptoms of Degenerative Disc Disease and is predisposed to Arthritis. No heavy lifting over 25 lbs., no long periods of standing, sitting or strenuous activity."

Predisposed.

Its coming at me like a slow moving train.

"So what can I do, Doctor?"

"Live with it."

These words echoed in my head.

Living with it meant giving up my job and the best part of my hobbies.

I fought.

Still I lost.

Changing a starter used to take 1/2 and hour. Now it takes 1/2 a day and 1/2 a bottle of codeine. And one bad hit on the track and I wouldn't walk again.

My role in the Militia was now reduced to a desk job and paperwork.

And in my day job, I was slowly pushed out the door.

In the first years, living with it sucked and I didn't deal well. But with the help of others around me, I persevered, found new ways to do things and modify my life to get on with it.

Living with a bad back I managed to find a new career, renovate a house, go camping in a trailer, fix my own car and be a Daddy. Albeit with a lot of pain killers, assistance and ingenuity.

I was indeed, "Living with it."

A number of years later it happened again.

The pain wasn't going away. This time it was in my gut.

X-ray, scopes and tests were done.

Diverticulitis. Small pockets in the colon where foods can get lodged, and cause infection. Untreated, it can lead to Peritonitis and death. Antibiotics and laxatives can treat infrequent attacks. If they become more severe and more frequent, a resection of the colon is performed.

"What can I do, Doctor?"

"Change your diet and live with it."

There were those words again.

Live with it.

Change.

Changing meant giving up some foods that I loved, but the alternatives were really nasty. "Give me cashews or give me death!" Or words to that effect.

Living with Diverticulois is not that hard. The only real pain in the butt (pun intended) with this is explaining to people in restaurants and at dinner parties that I'm not allergic, I just can't eat that.

A few years later I woke up one morning and couldn't move my head. My shoulder was on fire, my arm was all tingly and I couldn't feel the fingers in my left hand.

"Slept wrong," I told myself and everyone around me.

...and it didn't go away.

Again.

A few weeks later and I'm off to see a Specialist, and go through the whole routine again. X-rays, MRI, CAT Scan, nerve tests, strength tests, etc.

After almost a year of this the Doctor says to me, "You have mild to moderate compression of the nerves at C3 and 4. Get some physio and exercise. It will probably not go away completely."

"Live with it."

I've heard that before.

By this time, I had already been living with it for a while.

At work, I try not to carry things with my left hand, or on my left shoulder. When I can, I use a VOX headset and microphone. When I can't I use a remote mic on the radio so I can feel the transmit button. I try to look for over head items before I get there, so I don't have to crane my neck. When I have to do desk work, I try not to look down much, or I stand and work at a higher level when I can.

At home, well, its the same story. Working overhead is a chore that takes time. Doing the soffits and fascia on our small house took several weeks. Things on the top shelf I have to grab with my right hand. And I sleep on a heating pad, with my arm supported my a pillow most nights. Playing darts (which I'm not that great at) I stand with my right side to the board, pull the darts out and score with the right. And if a dart hits the floor (happens a lot with me) I have a magnet on a stick to pick it up with.

Again, I'm living with it.

A few months ago, I was experiencing some discomfort, in my right side this time. And I was off my feed. This time the Doctor predicted gall stones, and sent me for tests. About 24 hours after my ultrasound (how pregnant am I, Doc?) I get called back in.

Good, they found gall stones and we can deal with that easily.

"It's not gall stones," he says. "You have several cysts on the outside of your liver. The biggest is about 4 cm. There may be more inside. Your liver is swollen. It's called Polycystic Liver Disease and it's genetic"

"What can we do, Doctor?"

"Draining the cysts is ineffective, they will just fill up again. If we remove them, they will just grow back. In extreme cases, we remove part of your liver or do a transplant."

"To get the swelling down, change your diet and live with it."

I've heard those words before.

Live with it.

Diet changes this time are more severe, and I have to eat smaller portions and more frequently as my liver is pushing on my stomach. But on the whole, it's not insurmountable.

I'm again, 'living with it.'

I've had some help and some examples for 'living with it'.

My Father lived with Degenerative Arthritis and C.O.P.D.

My Mother lived with Diverticulosis and Colitis.

My Darling Bride lives with Diabetes and Arthritis.

Others around me are living with many different ailments and conditions.

I look at it this way, and I forget who told me this, but they were right...

"You can choose to suffer from it, or you can choose to live with it."

I choose to live with it.

It's much better than suffering.

DJW

For more inspirations for "Living with it," how about Lance Armstrong and Melissa Etheridge?