And Happy Thoughts For All...

Right about now you are either welcoming the New Year, reveling in the fresh start and new opportunities; or you are regretting the amount of reveling you did to bring it in.

Whichever column you fall under, take a minute today to count your blessings. However few you think they are, or however small you think they may be, count them anyway.

If you have more blessings than your neighbour, then share.

Didn't your Mom tell you to share?

Someone who needs more blessings is Caitlin.

For those of you unfamiliar with Caitlin's story, last Christmas the then four-year-old missed out while battling a rare childhood cancer. If you want to get up to speed, the links are here, here and here.

The good news is that she beat the Nephroblastoma, and that was against the odds.

The bad news is that late this fall Doctors found four more spots.

The part that really sucks is that this is two years in a row that she has missed out on much of the fun that four and five year old's should be having during this season.

Her spirit is strong, but at only five years old and less than thirty pounds, her body is weak. The good people at Sick Kids are doing everything they can.

About all we can do is think happy thoughts for her.

And hug each other a little stronger, a little longer.

Dunno if it will help, but it certainly can't hurt.

Happy New Year and Happy Thoughts to All!

DJW

Things that keep me awake... part deux

More things that keep me awake, listening to the squirrels rollerblading in the attic:

• How do boneless, skinless chickens walk?

• And when the above fowl are walking about, who wants to look at them? (skinless, eeew)

• Have you ever seen a buffalo with wings?

• If you are sleeping when you cross the international date line, do you wake up before you went to bed? And are you still tired?

• Isn't jumbo shrimp an oxymoron?

• If you are scared half to death twice, is it fatal? Or is it incremental?

• Why do they say you have your pet fixed when you are in reality breaking them?

• How do ducks warn their friends to look out?

• Why do blondes dye their hair blonde? (thats for M.D.B & Thing 2)

• Why are tires only flat on the bottom?

• What do they call it when you poke a goose in the butt?
  

• Why does my sister have three brothers and I only have two? (Actually its a trade off, because I have two sisters and she only has one, so I guess we're even.)
  

• How can stores sell 300 gram pound cakes? (think about it...for my American friends, there are 454 grams to a pound)
  

• Why do loaves of bread have an odd number of slices?

• If the CBC is aimed specifically for Canadians, why don't we watch it?

• If your spouses parents are your in-laws, and you get a divorce, are they now your out-laws?

• Why don't sheep shrink on a warm rainy day?
  

• Why are all snooze buttons only nine minutes?

• What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  

Keep em coming folks, either we will all be up together, or we will solve all the world's problems.

Happy New Year. (When we get a new year, does the old year go to a used year lot?)

DJW

Merry Christmas to all...

This season, please the take time to remember those that will be missing from the dinner table, and the families that are missing them.

Best of everything to you and yours.

DJW, My Darling Bride, Thing 1 and Thing 2

A Fascinating Storm?

Below is the text of the official Environment Canada weather bulletin for our current storm.

Note the highlighted areas. (My comments are in brackets)

I think that all news reports should be written with this kind of style.

DJW

Warnings

City of Hamilton
5:04 AM EST Friday 19 December 2008
Winter storm warning for
City of Hamilton continued

Major winter storm with heavy snow and blowing snow today.

This is a warning that dangerous winter weather conditions are imminent or occurring in these regions. Monitor weather conditions..Listen for updated statements.

With the first 10 cm snowfall now fading into memory (ahh the memories)..The second in a fascinating series of significant snowstorms (a fascinating storm? This guy needs a hobby) is bearing down on southern Ontario from Colorado. The Colorado low has formed as expected is racing (isn’t racing illegal in Ont? Arrest the storm!) northeast to central Ohio later today then into Pennsylvania tonight. A rapidly expanding and intensifying area of snow over the US midwest into Michigan has just moved into Windsor early this morning and will cruise northeast into the Golden Horseshoe between 7 and 8 AM then east down Highway 401 (I had always suspected the weather took the fast route, but why not the 407?) into eastern Ontario all the way to Kingston by this afternoon.

The snow will become quite heavy at times as the low gets closer. Latest indications keep any risk of a changeover to ice pellets or freezing rain in Essex and Kent counties from Windsor to Chatham and south to Lake Erie. Otherwise only snow is expected for everyone else. Snowfall rates of 2 to 4 cm per hour are expected at times as the heaviest areas of snow move through.

A general snowfall of 15 to 20 centimetres is likely across the district by this evening. Areas around the west end of Lake Ontario from downtown Toronto through Mississauga to Hamilton and eventually Niagara will get some help in the cold northeasterly winds off of Lake Ontario boosting snowfall amounts to near 25 cm in quite a few locales. It is not entirely out of the question for one or two locales to get up to 30 cm should an embedded lake effect snowsquall develop over Lake Ontario today as suggested by some of the computer models.

Whiteout conditions from blowing snow caused by strong east to northeast winds of 40 gusting to 60 km/h will be a significant problem with this winter storm adding to its nasty white bite. (and all those people who use those little strips to make their bite whiter are jealous)

This mornings rush hour in and around the Golden Horseshoe may start out with no snow but conditions will start to deteriorate rapidly as the snow moves in after 7 AM. However..Heavy snow and blowing snow throughout the day will likely make the afternoon commute particularly difficult and slow.

Travelers should adjust travel plans accordingly. If travel is necessary one should plan for much extra time to reach the planned destination. Driving conditions will deteriorate quickly and become dangerous due to whiteout conditions from both blowing snow and heavy snow.

DJ here…this is definitely more interesting than Storm, Snow, Lots of it.

Happy Shoveling!

Our Apologies

Our most sincere apologies go out to the shoppers of Burlington's Walmart today.

We are very sorry that we had to close one of the four exits today while we hydro-excavated a five meter deep hole to locate some utilities.

Yes, you guessed correctly, we did this to specifically inconvenience you personally.

It was our evil plan all along to make you late returning from shopping on your lunch hour.

You caught us, and we are indeed red faced.

It was also part of the plan to thwart those of you who use that parking lot as your own personal shortcut around that very, very busy intersection.

How could we?

Yes, you were right, it would have been much better if we let you, and only you (because you're special to us) around the 10 tonne truck.

We realize it would have been much more convenient and less time consuming if we let you have a head on collision or drive your shiny BMW into our hole.

Again, we are truly sorry.

What were we thinking?

Also,

Let me take this opportunity to apologize in advance to those of you that hold a 'No Left Turn Exemption Permit'. We know that the signs and specially designed islands weren't meant for you.

Early next spring, there will be barriers erected preventing you from making illegal (not for you, you have an exemption) left turns into or out of Timmy's on Burloak Drive. You will have to suffer the indignity of driving an extra 300 meters to enter and exit on Mainway like the rest of us unprivileged people.

We are truly sorry for your impending troubles.

If you haven't renewed your No Left Turn Exemption Permit, don't.

If you have, please return to place of purchase for a full refund.

I know, we are idiots.

Or so we've heard.

Many times.

DJW

Things that keep me awake.

Things to think about while sitting in traffic, waiting in the Doctors office or pretending to listen to your spouse...

• Shouldn't there have been only one seedless watermelon? or grape?

• Why is it called toe jam instead of jelly? How about toe marmalade?

• Is the universe really infinite, or have they just not found the end of it yet?

• If the belly button is so good at trapping lint, why not install them on clothes dryers?

• Why is called lemon-lime instead of limey-lemon?

• If you are moving at twice the speed of sound, and you say something, how long until you hear yourself?
  

• Or...given the above scenario, do you hear yourself before you speak?
  

• Why do renderings of Adam and Eve have navels?

• How does a mime call for help?

• Is there a home for battered fish?

• If cats always land on their feet, and buttered toast lands butter side down, what happens if you put butter on a cats back and drop it?

• If you read the dictionary cover to cover, does that mean you've read all the books in the world as well?

• Is there another word for thesaurus?

• What is the synonym of synonym?

• If you threw a unlimited amount of time in a bottomless pit, which would run out first?

• Shouldn't a small cake made of cooked ground beef be called a cow patty?
  

• Three out of four people make up three quarters of the world.

If any of this causes you to lose sleep, I can recommend the Parliamentary Channel.

DJW

If you have more of these, I will add them to my collection, and give you absolutely no credit.

Just a thought...

Here is an idea so crazy it just might work.

Question: What industry has the highest profits?

I think we can safely answer with the oil industry. They routinely report billions upon billions of dollars of profit every year.

Question: Who would suffer if the Big 3 North American auto makers failed, and we were all forced to drive more fuel efficient imports?

Answer: The oil industry again.

So, would it not make sense for the Big 3 to go to Big Oil for a bail out, and not be in Big Oil's best interest to keep us in gas guzzlers?

Just a thought...

...No tax dollars were harmed in the making of this blog.

DJW

FOOTNOTE: I heard a reliable source today (Charles Adler) state that while General Motors and Toyota both had similar U.S. sales volumes (9,000,000 units) in 2007, G.M. lost billions while Toyota made billions.

Makes ya go hmmm